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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Thanks Grandma

As a women what is the worst that.could happen to you? Top of the list for many would be hair loss. The hair for as long as I can remember has been in top running symbol for femininity. Then India Arie sings I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am the soul that lives within. 

Really? All of my life a wig has represented an untruth. It was okay for everyone else but not for me. I have shaved it down to bare minimum and sported it with pride 
In 2010, my sister locks started to fall out. Even with locks I could not stop the inevitable. One day more that ten years ago,, I was brushing my paternal grandmother's hair and it looked and felt familar. Wow! Was this to be me in thirty years. Same texture same oh my. She had bald and thining spots that everyone wanted to blame on relaxers.

On both sides of my family hair is not the center. I have minimal to no hair on my body and yes now minimal to no hair on my head. Shaving does not come close to the damage done by a double punch of heredity and chemo drugs. 

The eyelashes and eyebrows, did they have to go also, as you can see in the picture there wasn't much there in the first place. And yet I was satisfied with them. Thin but in. 

One thing I recognize is that with heredity we eventually get over it because we have a lot of time to recognize that it will come. But chemo is another issue. For the women that had the long luxurious hair, there is a bit more of a challenge. And for me, knowing what I already knew it is the same challenge. 

I wear my bald, thinning hair just as I did with the closely cut hair. Mainly because I don't walk around with a mirror in front of me. What others see has never been my priority. What I feel inside, who I am and what I have to say from my heart has not changed because of my hair. 

Drivers licence picture is due in exactly two months and  I am wondering if I really want to carry this image for another four years.
Right now I am considering shaving it off for the picture. It is a lot cleaner than the occasional hair that I have now. 


33 We make our own decisions, but the LORD alone determines what happens.

Proverbs 16:33 (CEV)

1 comment:

  1. We all have free will and make decisions that we think are the best ones. Many times they turn out to be so wrong. We wonder why it had to turn out that way. You are so right. God's determines what will happen. If could just remember to let go, let God, and pray His will be done, we could lessen so much stress in our lives. I guess that's human behavior. We are such smarty pants.