tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14041678362700044202024-03-13T14:13:53.301-04:00Notes from the EDGEMy Every Day God ExperienceAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.comBlogger180125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-17698680389023305652015-08-13T18:53:00.001-04:002015-08-13T21:45:16.952-04:00Memorial Service ReminderSaturday<div>August 15th, 2015</div><div>11:00 am</div><div>Friendship United Methodist Church</div><div>355 E Boughton Rd</div><div>Bolingbrook, IL 60440</div><div><br></div><div>Memorial Luncheon</div><div>1:00 pm</div><div>Hilton Lisle </div><div>3003 Corporate West Dr</div><div>Lisle, IL 60532</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-38279861516349927672015-07-11T18:38:00.001-04:002015-07-11T18:38:54.951-04:00Memorial ServiceSaturday<div>August 15, 2015</div><div>11:00 am</div><div><br></div><div>Friendship United Methodist Church</div><div>305 E Boughton Rd</div><div>Bolingbrook, IL 60440</div><div><br></div><div>Memorial Donations</div><div><br></div><div>World Beat Connection</div><div>Larry Shelton - Treasurer</div><div>4609 Washburn Ave. S.</div><div>Minneapolis, MN. 55410</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-5065674703595217382015-06-27T03:58:00.001-04:002015-06-27T03:59:48.562-04:00FreedomTo all my family, friends and anyone who has the opportunity to share this journey with me I am finally free from the pain and suffering. <div><br></div><div>Plans for my memorial will be forth coming</div><div><br></div><div>Again thank you for your concern and support</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-10946672934113714522015-06-10T21:25:00.001-04:002015-06-10T21:29:07.310-04:00Hump DayI remember telling my children about a friend of mines that had reached 30 that is now over the hump. And they questioned what does that mean. My response was "its climbing up a hill, reaching the top and finding it easier as you go down." Some of you may call these milestones, but hump day seems to be pretty good for me right now. I have reached that hump with this breast cancer, its been hard with chemotherapy treatments struggle up. Praying that something will happen, but at the hump you don't know what will happen. Well my cancer was diagnosed with a cancer that they could not find a cure for and my hump day is the climb up to the top and free fall down.<br>
<br>
Several people have said that they can't talk to me because it makes them cry. It makes me happy to be at the end of this struggle. Just think no more blogs when my son can't type for me or I can't speak for myself. Do to my nutrition and water intake I question now how long it will be. It makes me happy to know that I have my grandkids to scream and play around me all day. Some people may not agree but when the two year old is running around to pick you up or when the 8 year old asks how are you doing when he really wants his iPad. I pray that he will remember me in good ways.<br>
<br>
I have so much that I have given throughout my life that I feel like I have reached a place that I can't give any more. Voice is gone, not significantly, but I can't sing anymore. The use of both of my hands is going, so typing gets to be a problem. God has given me two wonderful sons, loving daughter in law, and so many great memories that I can go to heaven. I hope :D. Stand in front of Saint Peter and say "Hallelujah" and "Praise the Lord". This life has been nothing but golden. I thank God for the opportunities to serve my church, my community, my children and so so many people around me.<br>
<br>
If its hard for you to cry in front of me, don't worry about I won't be sad if you are crying. I will be happy because your tears will let me know that I meant something in your life. Now mind you that does not mean to bombard me with phone calls because I still have trouble talking for any long periods of time. Quick calls of well wishes are great. Longer calls gets to be tiring.<br>
<br>
To all the people that I have loved I wish you well.<br>
<br>
Nedra<br>
<br>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-87480023865179990572015-05-24T04:59:00.001-04:002015-05-24T05:07:44.556-04:00Old Faithful leakers or gushersWell rather than rest before the move. My sons decided to push onward after 9:00 last night. Arriving at his. Place 2:00 am was okay<br>
<div>
There were so many holes in my thought all I considered was impending doom. </div>
<div>
First, my words, I need to stop. His words oh we had decided to stop at the rest stop 10 miles and a few service stations away. I said "I'll try". 8 miles later I was ready for not just a bush but a blade of grass. </div>
<div>
We stopped at the speedway and the gusher not leak began. In my car all over my blouse, and everything that had a relationship with my body.</div>
<div>
Where are the depends asked my son. My first thought was one driving the other car and one asking the question of the day. </div>
<div>
My suit cases and towels were in the other car of course and my rant on the phone was under stood. 60 plus miles and I had dry clothes.here I am riding on the highway rapped in paper towels. There better be a sermon there. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-6537128760789669182015-05-23T05:11:00.001-04:002015-05-23T05:11:57.360-04:00First you hold their hands, then they hold yours.Day of the move, do you know where your children are? I sat and talked to my son about my end and and plans last weekend. Assuring that your kids have something after you're gone almost seems strange in conversation. Not that I'm looking at their needs but my complete and total love for them. <div>It's almost like a breastplate has been generated across my chest with the tumors. It is enough for me to be alarmed at this point however, I can only consider I have a move to make, after all it's moving day.</div><div>The pain has been bad. I found out Friday that my great niece has hands like an angel. </div><div>I am praying that she will be able to spend some time with me this summer at least until they get the current cancer under the control.</div><div>If she can get her drivers license after her 16th birthday at the end of June, then July would work.</div><div><br></div><div>Both boys are here for the move. I am excited and ecstatic with joy.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-41905171310432697142015-05-19T20:34:00.001-04:002015-05-19T21:41:28.526-04:00The primal yellLast night, more than once I heard a scream like an animal had gotten loose and hurt seriously. Laying here thinking about it, I could only consider what it would feel like to just scream, scream, scream.<br><br>My son Reuben, at age 5, got chickenpox. I was bathing him in a oatmeal bath and mommy he asked, can I scream? Of course I said yes. He yelled one bloodcurdling primal yell. Then said okay. I asked him if that was enough and he said yes.<br><br>Wouldn't it be nice if only one screen/ yell was enough? But that's not always the case. Days go by and we're still screaming.<br><br>For me it has been four solid weeks. Four solid weeks pain, restlessness, discomfort. <div></div><div><br></div><div>Today my doctor explained that there was at least one poison that I had not taken that could be used to treat my cancer. It is not a norm for breast cancer. But then it's not reacting like breast cancer. T<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">he question now is getting the information to the Cleveland clinic doctor and then wondering if he is willing to start with this diagnosis. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Or is there a better option? Just get me out of bed. </span></div><div><br></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">Next update on the move. Blessing</font></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-43865934943378211072015-05-17T02:21:00.001-04:002015-05-17T02:23:38.889-04:00Wrestling the covers and pillowsI'm just starting to reach the four week mark with pain issues. The Tumors are changing assuming because of the new poison but I still am not able to rest. I took pain meds three hours ago and the body is far from relaxed or tired .<div>I lay here thinking about the last time I saw my navel. During pregnancy it was an outy. Only then and it retreated once the boys were born. </div><div>I have other ummm questions, but will save them for another time. One inappropriate comment per blog. Tee hee. I know now you're waiting in anticipation. </div><div>Had a pretty busy day today. I got up and I went out for late lunch, early dinner. I only napped three times and that was before I went out twice and once after getting home. Now the irritation is not allowing me to rest. </div><div><br></div><div>My last, the retirement, day was cool. My boss helped me get to work and assured I got home safely. Great guy, I will miss him and the team of people I work along side as well those that touched my life in other ways. </div><div><br></div><div>Not at my peek at this point still praying brighter days. </div><div><br></div><div>Still praying that Minnesota trip will happen and forever Jamaica. San Francisco is still hopeful though activity will be low. Given the current issue and that is less than a month away. </div><div><br></div><div>Preaching tomorrow, I hope the message goes well. I will let you know. </div><div><br></div><div>Interesting enough, I had a song that really struck a chord with me by Williams Brothers. The chorus: </div><div>I'm just a nobody, trying to tell everybody, about somebody who can save anybofy</div><div><a href="http://youtu.be/YmLw9_uudu8">http://youtu.be/YmLw9_uudu8</a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-82341781524930122142015-05-04T06:24:00.001-04:002015-05-04T06:40:05.619-04:00I am stronger than thatAs the plane was taking off from Chicago a song my friend Robin turned me on to was playing on iTunes. (Stronger Than That : Jimmy Dooley). These last few weeks has put me down with nerve and cancer pain. Getting the right combination of medications was difficult as we waited to see if the new poison was going to work, for days seemed futile. <div>Seven straight days when all I could do was sleep to fight through it. I had my husband's memorial in Chicago on Saturday, May 2, 2015, </div><div> and with a determination to make it, I took flight in spite of everything. </div><div>My energy was hardly up to any standard that I would consider okay, but with Corla at my side the whole way I came through. A fifty-two year friendship that I cherish everyday. Probably more than, until now, she will ever know. </div><div>As I entered into the memorial I recognized that most, if not all, of my friends in service were in that category of friend for more than twenty years. </div><div>We are still friends, my church, my jobs , the people I met on commutes, in my neighborhood. They in someway were respresented. </div><div>God has given me so many people to love and I know I have so much here in Cincinnati and on to Macedonia Ohio. He has given me the world. </div><div>Beat down, I get back up because. I am stronger than all that has hit me In this cancer battle.</div><div>There are still so many unknowns for the doctors but God holds the key to my break through. I ask not for immortality, but I do ask for strength through what ever storm that comes. </div><div>Phillip, Craig & Dean (All is well) </div><div><a href="http://youtu.be/bo5zx1E-f2Y">http://youtu.be/bo5zx1E-f2Y</a></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-30916838050933937712015-04-10T16:53:00.001-04:002015-04-11T05:58:30.051-04:00Where have I been?Someone reminded me last night that I have not written anything. Wow. I actually knew that but with the pain I was experiencing, there wasn't much to say with the right arm that has lympnadema. It was feeling a little put out because it may not be the only child for long. Prayers still in that corner. I am still struggling with some numbness in the left arm but am finding that I am able to use it without screaming or running for the pain meds.<br>
<div>
Getting up at 1:00 am falling over every thing in search for my Codone made me feel like a junkie. But there were several days where that was my only relief. Four days of sleep was all it took for me and I was ready to move on to my new cocktail, my new drug of choice. Eribulin(HALAVEN).</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
Day one was exhausting I tried to walked to work and stopped four times in four blocks. Pitiful, the only thing I could think of was thank God I don't need a knee or hip replacement, I would not make it through rehab with this. My legs felt like noodles.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
Day two was still hard but the pain did not interrupt my sleep. I rode to work and back with my neighbor. End of day still no pain but want to make sure my rest was complete.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
Day three full night's rest and I felt like one hundred dollar, hey I'm still cheap, but a crisp one. I walked to work and on the way home stopped by my favorite restaurant for take out. Wiild Mushroom Rice bowl, yummy. great day,</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
I told the gaurd every day that is better than the last is a good day. this was the best ever. </div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
My oinly concern is still the tumors on the surface of the chest wall. They look scary. You don't expect to get this close and personal with this stuff, but oh well the up side. If the chemo works I get to see them die in battle. That works. Not that I am the violent type or anything like that but thier destruction is all I ask for at this point. </div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
I have chemo the week of hubby's memorial and I thank God my third day is a good one. Just hope it does not change with the progression. Three weeks cycles with chemo on Tuesday for two weeks then skip a weeks. April 14, 2015 will be my second week. </div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
I am looking forward to visiting with my Chicagoland friends. I have to say I have gotten so much from so many that I truly have friends from across the world. Only God knows how powerful that is because that is what he ask of us. To LOVE one another. My Lord, this love is wonderful. The ring tone on my phone is "Love One Another" by none other than Gladys Knight. </div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
Enjoy: <span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><a href="http://youtu.be/pu3BY5r4aRY" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">http://youtu.be/pu3BY5r4aRY</a></span><br>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">
<a href="http://youtu.be/pu3BY5r4aRY" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-eoEgMlkU1iU/VSg5Zil_roI/AAAAAAAABsE/lZEzxtPxPkQ/s640/blogger-image--444518204.jpg"></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">
<a href="http://youtu.be/pu3BY5r4aRY" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">m</a>e and my dad</div>
<a href="http://youtu.be/pu3BY5r4aRY"></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-3597361201952228912015-03-30T03:14:00.001-04:002015-03-30T03:35:35.364-04:00Back to the drawing boardMy findings have been verified the cancer is increasing in the lymph nodes. The pain is increasing. The doctor has his work cut out on this one. New cocktails and surgery I don't know at this point. Now the issue becomes can I transfer my medical care smoothly to another area and achieve better results. Inquiring minds want to know. <div><br></div><div>I can't imagine how the end of this story will play out. Wouldn't it be nice to flip to the last page or maybe not? I look great was what someone told my mom yesterday after she intervertantly announced that I had cancer. </div><div><br></div><div>Yesterday was a great day for me because I got to preach on Palm Sunday. One if the holy of holiest Sundays of the Christian year. It felt good. My message of acceptance of all people, loving and remembering why is a powerful thought that I pray was received as a message deep from my heart. </div><div><br></div><div>I will continue my fight until they stop saying I look good for a cancer patient because after all my main goal is to look good. </div><div><br></div><div>Ha ha. Got you. I will press on in this race as long as there is breath in me. </div><div><br></div><div>Mandisa: Press On- <a href="http://youtu.be/SXxBqbTM-2U" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">http://youtu.be/SXxBqbTM-2U</a></div><div><br></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="bible-item-title-wrap" style="box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; font-weight: bold;"><a class="bible-item-title" href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians+3%3A13-15&version=CEV" style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: none; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; cursor: pointer; display: inline-block; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Philippians 3:13-15</a> CEV</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span><div class="bible-item-text" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My friends, I don’t feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. I run toward the goal, so that I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize that God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done. All of us who are mature should think in this same way. And if any of you think differently, God will make it clear to you.</span></div></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-74872700814144039952015-03-24T03:53:00.001-04:002015-03-24T04:30:55.343-04:00You can't Hurry My God<a href="http://youtu.be/cH3rjcCyoKY">http://youtu.be/cH3rjcCyoKY</a> - Mahalia Jackson<div><br></div><div>For the last month, I have been dealing with some lesions that I can't explain with my vast knowledge of oncology. However I have witnessed a pattern that I must share with my doctor to determine if he concers. The Chemo is creating pockets of poison to annoy me while I wait. Wait is about all I can do now.</div><div><br></div><div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">All I need now is confer with the real oncologist and determine if my medical findings are correct. If so I believe my co-pay and deductible should be discounted. Perhaps I should bring in a $2000.00 coupon to be validated if I am correct. When the lesions showed up after last treatment they itched so bad I wanted to scream. It took a few days to calm after I realized that rubbing it made it worse and I stopped.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">After years of this I feel as though I am an expert at it. So where is the cure? It would be great if I could figure that out. I'll leave that one to the big guns. For now my cure is to keep going for as long as I can, doing the best that I can, loving every one that I can, giving all that I can, praying every day I can for guidance through the dark days. Asking for continued strength and peace for every day given.</span></div></div><div><br></div><div>Plans for the apartment have been delayed, which in turn delays the move. There is pain on the left shoulder and numbness that is creating concerns of lympnadema issues. Like Job, I know that I have to remain steadfast in my faith, accepting what ever terms are put before me. </div><div><br></div><div>It has been weeks since I wrote something down. My thoughts have been all over the place with the move, the memorial, the anxiety moments and a retrieat that I needed. Along with the occasional tears I have again found patience. I can make it one day at a time and that has to be enough for now.</div><div><br></div><div>As the pain reminds me I am still here, my focus is calming peace in all of this, I can't let life moment put me in the place that satisfies the cancer. Stress can not be my canvas. I must remain steadfast in all of this to win the race. There are so many questions running through my mind now, some for the doctor, some for the move and one or two between myself and God.</div><div><br></div><div>I must let go and let God do his thing. </div><div><br></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> I have sprangeth forward so now I wake up at 2:30am. Yuk, it's a mess. I am going to be beautiful for work in the morning. Well assuming I can see to get dressed.</span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-32162082749146316882015-03-09T04:45:00.001-04:002015-03-09T05:06:54.809-04:00Staying Joined<div><b><i>1 Jesus said to his disciples:I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts away every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit. But he trims clean every branch that does produce fruit, so that it will produce even more fruit. 3 You are already clean because of what I have said to you.4 Stay joined to me, and I will stay joined to you. Just as a branch cannot produce fruit unless it stays joined to the vine, you cannot produce fruit unless you stay joined to me. 5 I am the vine, and you are the branches. If you stay joined to me, and I stay joined to you, then you will produce lots of fruit. But you cannot do anything without me. 6 If you don't stay joined to me, you will be thrown away. You will be like dry branches that are gathered up and burned in a fire.7 Stay joined to me and let my teachings become part of you. Then you can pray for whatever you want, and your prayer will be answered. </i></b></div><div><b><i><br></i></b></div><div><b><i>John 15:1-7 | CEV</i></b></div><div><b><i><br></i></b></div><div>Praying for what I want as I am joined to Christ will give me answered prayers. How's your faith?</div><div><br></div><div>So many people out there without faith and hope for any future. After being diagnosed with cancer my only concern was how could I maintain my current schedule and fit in Chemo.</div><div><br></div><div>I took the chemo challenge very selfishly. I had work to do and chemo was not going to get in the way. Allmost three years have passed and I am still fighting. My doctors at the Barrett Center are awesome. They understand that to restrict me is to kill me and they don't want to do that. i have just over two months from now to see new doctors that I have to break in. My doctors have offered to communicate with the doctors in the new place and I will take them up on that offer. </div><div><br></div><div>It is a lot easier for them to explain that my difficult patient attitude is my efforts to live a full life no matter what. That life includes being joined to Christ and making every efrot to fullfil my goals in ministry. </div><div><br></div><div>I am so looking forward to facing new challenges and moving closer to the grands. I have picked out the church I want to attend. It is about 10 miles from where I found a place to live but I think I can make it work for now. I can't tell you just how many prayers were answered this week. Just know that my excitement with my move says it all. </div><div><br></div><div><a href="http://youtu.be/S0rzNfy3fZY">http://youtu.be/S0rzNfy3fZY</a> I Never Lost My Praise, Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-12044851150173836482015-03-04T03:05:00.001-05:002015-03-04T03:27:21.841-05:00Hello World<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Each morning when I awaken, I never know what my day will be with life in general or specifically with the fatigue that rides along side my chemo treatments. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
No matter what, I take the time to pick the hat, earrings and ensemble to make me feel like a million. I have been told that my color is less gray. surely because of the fact that the Xeloda (oral chemo) is slowly fading from my body. The new drugs have thier own side effects but the grey skin is not one, </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
A resident told my doctor that I looked good for a cancer patient. Not sure what that meant but I will take it. Still uncertain what I should look like. Both doctors yesterday had surveys that asked how I accepted my appearance. Honestly, I can't say that was something I have thought much about, what I see in the mirror is a reflection of love. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I look in the mirror and I see an aging woman whose life is constantly in a state of renewal. As I consider all the possibilities my head spins. I still have life and as long as there is breath in me I will live it. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He Holds The Key, Steve Green : <a href="http://youtu.be/hyVIzX1AGMc" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">http://youtu.be/hyVIzX1AGMc</a>yy</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Speak Life, Toby Mac <a href="http://youtu.be/qLn5r4aCz8s" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">http://youtu.be/qLn5r4aCz8s</a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-53888964900488801142015-03-02T01:19:00.001-05:002015-03-02T01:43:05.798-05:00Whom shall I fear?<div>God is our mighty fortress, always ready to help in times of trouble. And so, we won't be afraid! Let the earth tremble and the mountains tumble into the deepest sea. Let the ocean roar and foam,and its raging waves shake the mountains. A river and its streamsbring joy to the city,which is the sacred homeof God Most High. God is in that city,and it won't be shaken.He will help it at dawn. Nations rage! Kingdoms fall! But at the voice of God the earth itself melts. The LORD All-Powerfulis with us.The God of Jacobis our fortress. Come! See the fearsome things the LORD has done on earth. God brings wars to an end all over the world.He breaks the arrows, shatters the spears, and burns the shields. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Our God says, “Calm down,and learn that I am God! All nations on earth will honor me.” The LORD All-Powerful is with us.The God of Jacobis our fortress.</span></div><div><br></div><div>Psalms 46:1-10 | CEV</div><div><br></div><div>A mighty fortress is our God <a href="http://youtu.be/bONV_YZCKdg" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">http://youtu.be/bONV_YZCKdg</a></div><div><br></div><div>Many years ago I was pretty much afraid of everything. If I was faced with a task, fear would override its completion and I would not complete it. I was a child with many fears. Bullied, teased and always called out for being different. </div><div><br></div><div>My difference was how God made me. Anxiety plagued me for years until I came to the realization that I was loved and protected by a power that surpassed all of mankind. My God covered me then just as he does now. Fears are calmed knowing that he is with me through the end of time.</div><div><br></div><div>Sequence two of the second round started off slow and still left me tired. I have lumps popping out in multiple places that the doctor will check out on Tuesday, March 3, 2015. I am not concerned with the possibilities because there is little I can do but have it checked.</div><div><br></div><div>This is when my fortress covers me and keeps me safe. The emotional upheavals are limited in the eye of the storm. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-1081420262063855192015-02-25T05:21:00.000-05:002015-02-25T05:38:34.053-05:00When is enough?I have recognized that my worst days are not the ones behind me or the ones that lie ahead. They are the ones when I realize that I am only a person. I am not super human or any science phenomenon to be examined. I am who God made me. Each day in this week I have been constantly reminded that my husbands has passed. Not that I have forgotten, just that my heart is looking for closure and every time another person is surprised by the news the wound reopens.<br>
<br>
When we get a cut or a wound there is always the question of whether it should be covered or allowed to breath. I know for a fact that if it's hidden it will fester.<br>
<br>
So why am I up having this conversation with myself?<br>
<br>
Good question. This last few days after returning from Jamaica have been horrific. Until Tuesday, February 24, 2015, I was a zombie. No taste for food, too tiered to stay awake and pain that only could be described as a maddening torture. I am not sure how much of these things I can take to drive me day to day and still be able to have some closure with retiring from my job and getting on with this life for what ever quality there is left.<br>
<br>
Once I started this journey my thoughts took me to exotic places that allowed me to serve a wonderful God. I have spent a lifetime trying to be a person that loves and cares. A person that finds peace in the simplest things in life.<br>
<br>
Prepping for hubby's memorial reminds me everyday how short this life is and there are not do-overs. We have to somehow find our way through this maize and prayerfully recognize what is enough may not have a time frame of when.<br>
<br>
I get tired but somehow there is something that moves me to the next step, the next hour , the next day and then I feel renewed, recognizing that yes, I made it through yet again.<br>
<br>
Do they See Jesus in Me - Joy Williams : <a href="http://youtu.be/PwiF3HE4cQ8">http://youtu.be/PwiF3HE4cQ8</a><br>
<br>
When is enough? Good question, I will let you know when I have the answer.<br>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-82899252790407540922015-02-16T04:42:00.001-05:002015-02-16T05:07:01.841-05:0002-15-2015 another day of life.<div>
<b>I look to the hills! Where will I find help? It will come from the LORD,who created heaven and earth. The LORD is your protector, and he won't go to sleep or let you stumble. The protector of Israel doesn't doze or ever get drowsy. The LORD is your protector,there at your right side to shade you from the sun. You won't be harmed by the sun during the day or by the moon at night. The LORD will protect you and keep you safe from all dangers. The LORD will protect you now and always wherever you go. </b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><b>Psalms 121:1 | CEV</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">The celebration of the anniversary of my birth came with many blessings. From well wishes from family and friends to a glorious day in Montego Bay. Then settling down to a time of prayer and worship with Pastor Harrison. He along with members of Wesley Church and the Circuit were there to give condolences and share dinner with me. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">There are so many reasons I come to Jamaica, but the one that stands out more than anything is the charge I get from the love. I will forever treasure our times together because that is how I roll. I will be back each year that I am able. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Everyday, I am grateful for my waking up and seeing that God is there in the faces of the people that I meet. Knowing that God never slept, he kept me upright in darkest times and planted me where I could safe. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Grief has no sting with my Lord, because I know He handles it just as I place it. Pain is my life button, letting me know that where there is breath I can witness God's ever present and unchanging love. My body is not my own. And without service and love my soul would wither and find no hope in this life. I am because He is and no man could ever separate me from the power of His love. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">As I face these last three months in Cincinnati, I recognize that my faith walk is not over. New oncologist, new people to meet and new home. And yes newly widowed. The help will be there in ways I can only imagine. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">God will take care of me. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<a href="http://youtu.be/SDroNc1-RzE">http://youtu.be/SDroNc1-RzE</a></div>
<div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-KtEENrwLT4o/VOG_CCae-mI/AAAAAAAABoU/bLfoKGslatY/s640/blogger-image--217153136.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-KtEENrwLT4o/VOG_CCae-mI/AAAAAAAABoU/bLfoKGslatY/s640/blogger-image--217153136.jpg" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-68197414716692520772015-02-13T06:35:00.001-05:002015-03-11T12:32:19.910-04:00Jamaica Fever.My trip to Jamaica has always been my priority because I love to share my voice, interact with the people and fellowship. This trip was not a disapointment. Still I rise. Several nights my temperature peaked at 100 and some tenth's. But to my dismay there have not been symptoms. Questioning if the is my yellow light of caution from my body" and still I rise. I have found strength from the people supporting me in this process. The temperature has never stayed up as I am taking a regular regiment of Tylenol. And it is good. Actually it went down to 97.8 last night after a 99.9 spike. <div><br></div><div>My concern was this, should I see a doctor here when there are no symptoms to report. I texted my oncology nurse practitioner and her response was "as long and eating and drinking was not a problem and it was not staying up to just continue to monitor if symptoms do show up."</div><div><br></div><div>Still I rise knowing I should use caution with my interaction with people. That is the hardest part but it must be done. I must protect my health at all cost. Chemo coming on the nineteenth and I am almost excited to restart. This is still very much an unknown and if we don't start a good pace, we will never have an outcome to compare. </div><div><br></div><div>Prayers that my midnight arrival happens on the eighteenth so that I can report to IV Therapy at 9:00 am. </div><div><br></div><div>I will rise above this I know. If not I won't stop for sure. Praise God for bringing this far. </div><div><br></div><div>I climbing up on the rough side of the mountain. </div><div><a href="http://youtu.be/MjPhz-Ec7yk">http://youtu.be/MjPhz-Ec7yk</a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-ypEb1xa7aqE/VN3i2OHMLkI/AAAAAAAABno/2MSurrp5NhA/s640/blogger-image-680791535.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-ypEb1xa7aqE/VN3i2OHMLkI/AAAAAAAABno/2MSurrp5NhA/s640/blogger-image-680791535.jpg"></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-84403217953292536972015-02-10T05:46:00.001-05:002015-02-10T06:05:48.429-05:00I love God, I love people<div><b>God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well–formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first. If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both.</b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div><b>1 John 4:17-21 | MSG</b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Jamaica has truly reminded of the love that God gives shared with those who love Him. </span>Embraced by the people that love God with the same intensity that God has loved us. What wondrous love is this. </div><div>Our first night at Boroughbridge Methodist Church was a time of sharing gifts of music from the locals as well as the team I am traveling with. The hugs and prayers were so welcomed as I ran on empty after a full day of rehearsals. It was the power of God's love that brought me back to Jamaica and that same love keeps me. </div><div><br></div><div>I read something this morning, that reflects on my belief in this life. Paraphrased "I don't know how my story will end, but I do know it will say I never gave up".</div><div><br></div><div>Giving up is not an option. As twitches of pain surges through the left side of my body I realize that I am not dead yet. Nor will I be as long as the spirit of God flows through me. </div><div><br></div><div>I am the child that gives all and receives each day of my life and I trust in Him to continue to fix me for that throne on high. </div><div><br></div><div>Fix Me : <a href="http://youtu.be/5hieoU5Ig0Y" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">http://youtu.be/5hieoU5Ig0Y</a> Queen Latifah</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-90286163496303004902015-02-05T03:09:00.001-05:002015-02-05T03:34:58.125-05:00What is with this 3:00 AMWhy aren't I sleeping? Oh my goodness I know I need it, don't I? What do I know anymore? <div>I am digging out from the rubble and I see your face at every turn. </div><div>I recall that once I had a doctor tell me; without sleep I would die.</div><div>Without sleep I am forever focusing on every task.</div><div>Without sleep I am lost from the world.</div><div>My awakened hours are clouds of memories that limit my view of the now, my present.</div><div><br></div><div>And yet my focus is on the past the times gone by and tears come rushing into the once dry eyes.</div><div>As I wait<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> for life to begin again, perhaps I can again focus on my future. </span></div><div><br></div><div><div><b>1</b> <b>I run for dear life to God, I’ll never live to regret it. </b></div><div><b>2 Do what you do so well:get me out of this mess and up on my feet.Put your ear to the ground and listen,give me space for salvation. </b></div><div><b>3 Be a guest room where I can retreat;you said your door was always open! You’re my salvation—my vast, granite fortress. </b></div><div><b>4 My God, free me from the grip of Wicked,from the clutch of Bad and Bully. </b></div><div><b>5 You keep me going when times are tough—my bedrock, God, since my childhood. </b></div><div><b>6 I’ve hung on you from the day of my birth,the day you took me from the cradle;I’ll never run out of praise.</b></div><div><b>7 Many gasp in alarm when they see me,but you take me in stride. </b></div><div><b>8 Just as each day brims with your beauty,my mouth brims with praise. </b></div><div><b>9 But don’t turn me out to pasture when I’m oldor put me on the shelf when I can’t pull my weight. </b></div><div><b>10 My enemies are talking behind my back,watching for their chance to knife me.</b></div><div><b>11 The gossip is: “God has abandoned him.Pounce on him now; no one will help him.” </b></div><div><b>12 God, don’t just watch from the sidelines.Come on! Run to my side! </b></div><div><b>13 My accusers—make them lose face.Those out to get me—make them look</b></div><div><b>14 Like idiots, while I stretch out, reaching for you,and daily add praise to praise. </b></div><div><b>15 I’ll write the book on your righteousness,talk up your salvation the livelong day,never run out of good things to write or say. </b></div><div><b>16 I come in the power of the Lord God,I post signs marking his right–of–way.</b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div><b>Psalms 71:-16 | MSG</b></div></div><div><b><br></b></div><div><b>I am the place where God shows up</b><a href="http://youtu.be/k-fRNzTeNWk" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">http://youtu.be/k-fRNzTeNWk</a> Eddie Watkins Jr.</div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-56223505739909118992015-02-03T04:12:00.001-05:002015-02-03T04:49:08.402-05:00When rest is lost.These last three days. I have to say, have contributed to total rest eluding me. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to sleep through the night. I realized that most of my time in the last three days has been spent on the phone, either to talk to friends and family wishing condolences or government entities clarifying my survivor benefits.<div><br><div>There should be a class available to explain all the things that you need to do when your spouse dies. There are days when I think back over our time together and recognize that perhaps I should have been more attentive to the papers that were there. I often referred to my husband as a paper hoarder. Today I have to say that he is the most organized paper hoarder that I have ever seen as he has been retaining every piece of paper that he's ever had in his life. Surprisingly in some semblance of order. It almost feels like he knew and was preparing for me to get the information.</div><div><br></div><div>It reminds me of a teacher that continually piles work on. You fail to study and feel that somehow while you are in class you will absorb. The day of the test you remember so little that you question whether you were coming to a different class. Welcome to the "Outer Limits", </div><div><br></div><div>Oh my goodness. I could have sworn that we have covered most of this in the last few months. Yet when I sit down to request information, I <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">can't even find my head. I lost the rent bill so I had to wait until the office was open to get the amount due. I can't find things that were tripped over for days as we bypassed them to head out to visit my husband. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Well just as meticulous as my husband was about papers, I am probably more meticulous to throw papers away. I rarely retain paper versions of anything. If my computers crashes, it's in the cloud and I'm covered.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> Isn't life something. My most un tech savvy husband hated the computer and rarely did he enlist a cloud or anything else for backup. He had his papers and I had my cloud.</span></div></div><div><br></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">As different as we were he managed to support my whims. He involved himself in every activity I had, which assured that </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I could participate and still work during these cancer years. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">When I ponder these last few years I recognize that I have been truly covered.</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><a href="http://youtu.be/5YWiH90AYhU" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">http://youtu.be/5YWiH90AYhU</a> Grace Flows Down - Passion<font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"> </font></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">Now as I face my new cycles of chemo for my breast cancer. i have to fit in all my activities in between rounds, I already see that it will be difficult to maintain the regular three week pattern. As i plan memorials, work and organize my benefits I have to be continually filled.</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><a href="http://youtu.be/NGigXeTH8RQ">http://youtu.be/NGigXeTH8RQ</a> Resting Place - Haddon</div><div><br></div><div><a href="http://youtu.be/ZzFZi6nFwic">http://youtu.be/ZzFZi6nFwic</a> Fill Me - Martha Munizzi</div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-13402964994549801682015-01-31T07:02:00.001-05:002015-01-31T22:34:24.362-05:00Well done my good and faithful servant.<div><b>Every time I think of you, I thank my God. 4 And whenever I mention you in my prayers, it makes me happy. 5 This is because you have taken part with me in spreading the good news from the first day you heard about it. 6 God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won't stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns.</b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div><b>Philippians 1:3-6 | CEV</b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div>I am sure that the work God started has been faithfully fulfilled with all of the efforts made by Akkhmand Sage, my husband for the last ten plus years. </div><div><br></div><div>He devoted himself not just to me but to everyone one he met. A conversation was always made more interesting with his insight and interjection. He worked with young children at Wesley Chapel Mission Center because it fulfilled a need in our ubrban community and and gave him a connection. He loved the kids, the staff and the volunteers that found their way to the program. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">My Lord, into your hands my husband is received and today I declare that my days will forever be a blessing because of the time he spent helping you to carry me through my storms. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Well Done. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><a href="http://youtu.be/-abFh8_kICg">http://youtu.be/-abFh8_kICg</a> Deitrick Haddon </div><div><br></div><div>My life is my devotion to you my Lord and I accept the life and love you have given me. I pray that you will continue to show up for those that need you most. I pray that You will be continually expressed through love that is shown from the people that we meet each and every day. That Your light will forever be that beacon that guides souls to a peaceful rest with you. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-2541558715151658112015-01-30T05:30:00.001-05:002015-01-30T05:53:37.755-05:00Make mine a double; Not!Never really been a drinker or a gambler because it has never been my way. But right about now I could use a double in drinkers terms. But make mine holy, blessed by the spirit. I have never been in such a hard place to step up to the bar kick my leg up and slam down the money. I have however been at a place where I step up to the alter get on my knees and cry Holy. My Lord God almighty I surrender all of me. <div><br></div><div>I need a break. Triple Negative was to much for me to handle, or at least I thought until both barrels unloaded when my husband was diagnosed with terminal Lung cancer. These last two months have been nothing short of a nightmare. </div><div><br></div><div>Through each previous cycle of chemo that I have taken I have not had the regiment that I have now. Two weeks on and one off. With the Neulasta coming only at the second week. The negative side affects of a double were not expected. The once dreaded Neulasta shot used to rebuild the bone marrow did not come after the first week's infusion and bam! </div><div><br></div><div>I am not in a good place with my white count at a critical low and my platelets so low they were concerned enough to not do my expected therapy while also explaining the magnitude of the situation. </div><div><br></div><div>Well just in case no one has notice my magnitude is far beyond what would be considered normal. What is normal?</div><div><br></div><div>Is it normal for life to be snatched away in the ways we have noted in the news almost daily. Our world is a "Hot Mess" and we still want to find that normal. The sweet spot that says there is justification and an unpresidented point of view that things are following an expected directive and our personal needs and desires have been met.</div><div> </div><div>This is one commentary that I personally could do without. Life is made harder by speculation and commentary. We can never predict because only He holds the key to the master plan. </div><div><br></div><div>Each day we awaken and ponder our schedule for the day, the weekend, the next day of celebration. Wishing away the current moment and wanting the bad things to just end. I remember once identifying where the bad things actually made me a different person becuase I did not question the why me. I wondered what could I do to make this a growing situations. I have never been a victim because my faith won't let me be that. I am stronger than all the challenging that come my way or am I? </div><div><br></div><div>People always tell me how strong I must be. When the nurse was taking my blood from my port she questioned how I like it best. Should she do a count off or sneak up on me to penetrate the needle into my skin. My Lord, just do it, because it will not get any easier with any decision. When she pierced the skin I did not flench and she remarked on the obvious. I did not flench, that is correct. </div><div><br></div><div>What was so strange about that. I hurt in so many ways everyday. Whether it is my compassion for those around me or my own personal issue. A part of me hurts and I really can't sweat the small stuff. </div><div><br></div><div>As my hustband fades into life ever after I have to find my way through my own illness and the divide is growing. </div><div><a href="http://youtu.be/KVv4bj2MiL8">http://youtu.be/KVv4bj2MiL8</a> - The Great Divide, Point Of Grace</div><div><br></div><div><a href="http://youtu.be/DRYgHDvwPug">http://youtu.be/DRYgHDvwPug</a> - This Too Shall Pass. Yolanda Adams </div><div><br></div><div>His Love lifts me today. Even when I know that this will be over I need to deal with the moment and that moment is not made easier in discussion. It is made easier knowing that I am in prayers all over the world. Even if it is a "Hot Mess". Great people still exist. We can make the change in ourselves and daily allow others to witness our transformation. We are the light carried to those in need. Love and be that light. </div><div><br></div><div>God bless all of my prayer warriors. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-58591463738234872512015-01-24T06:29:00.001-05:002015-01-24T07:05:37.883-05:00Sleepless in Cincinnati - my soul is at rest.<div><br></div><div><b>3 We have everything we need to live a life that pleases God. It was all given to us by God's own power, when we learned he had invited us to share in his wonderful goodness. 4 God made great and marvelous promises, so his nature would become part of us. Then we could escape our evil desires and the corrupt influences of this world.5 Do your best to improve your faith by adding goodness, understanding, 6 self-control, patience, devotion to God, 7 concern for others, and love. 8 If you keep growing in this way, it will show that what you know about our Lord Jesus Christ has made your lives useful and meaningful. 9 But if you don't grow, you are like someone who is nearsighted or blind, and you have forgotten that your past sins are forgiven.10 My friends, you must do all you can to show God has really chosen and selected you. If you keep on doing this, you won't stumble and fall. 11 Then our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will give you a glorious welcome into his kingdom that will last forever.</b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div><b>2 Peter 1:3-11 | CEV</b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div>As I have gone through these last few weeks I have had to consider not just my own existence but that of my husband. I have been married for ten years to this man that came into my life and experienced with me his rebirth. As we sit and talk with the Chaplin and with our pastor he lets them know that he is at peace. That peace that comes in knowing that "<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will give you a glorious welcome into his kingdom that will last forever."</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">He has always believed and in our years together he has loved and been faithful to so many that I truly can not count them. He has held me, loved me and carried me through sickness where I could not have made it without him. My strength through all of this came from his support in keeping me safe and never having to concern myself with the small stuff.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">He has been a caregiver all of his life and I know that when his time comes he will be cared for and welcomed in the kingdom that will last forever. I am at peace and so is he as he made the decision to have hospice take on his final days of care. He is ready to go through the process and cla</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">im his</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> inheritance.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">What wondrous love is this? </span></div><div><a href="http://youtu.be/Rekp7rRcSFs">http://youtu.be/Rekp7rRcSFs</a> I'm Coming Home - The Staple Singers </div><div><br></div><div><a href="http://youtu.be/mq59iE3MhXM">http://youtu.be/mq59iE3MhXM</a> Be Still My Soul (In You I Rest) - Kari Jobe</div><div><br></div><div>My soul is at rest even when my body is in motion. I am safe in the arms of my Saviour through every trial, through every storm. I will continue this life that has been laid out for me and work everyday to show how much I have been blessed in my own process. </div><div><br></div><div>When speaking with my IV therapy Nurse Dawn, We spoke of how she is grounded and refocused when strained with the pressures of her personal life and balancing a job that deals with death everyday. Her choice was at the potters wheel. As the wheel spins there has to be constant attentiveness and focus. Keeping the pottery on the wheel and centered as it spins and falls in every direction her hands remain constant placing it just right and keeping it together. </div><div><br></div><div>When she said that all I could imagine is how Christ is singled focused on us as we spin on this wheel of life. He forms and molds us. When hubby and I were married one of my favorite songs was "Potter's Hand". He liked me singing and when he retired I sang it at his retirement party. He has been formed. molded and filled by the true and loving Potter. </div><div><a href="http://youtu.be/nHV2nVL45TI">http://youtu.be/nHV2nVL45TI</a> The Potter's Hand - Hillsong</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-j17KO38_ktI/VMOJXgK91xI/AAAAAAAABms/3IStJkYxgk4/s640/blogger-image-1975371641.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-j17KO38_ktI/VMOJXgK91xI/AAAAAAAABms/3IStJkYxgk4/s640/blogger-image-1975371641.jpg"></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1404167836270004420.post-11965047336853145752015-01-21T06:30:00.001-05:002015-01-21T06:52:03.929-05:00Bless Me This time thirty-nine years ago I found that in order to keep myself and the twins I was carrying safe, I was to do the remainder of my pregnancy in bed. A serious case of toxemia threatened my existence, I didn't know how I was going to make it through, God sent me an angel to care for my every need while I laid in bed everyday which assured a healthy and safe delivery. He blessed me.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Life was hard and the notion of delivering the twins after forty weeks and three days. And no I was not wrong on my timing because of my prior knowledge of when I got pregnant. Yes, I knew the exact day that I got pregnant. I had it planned so that they would be born six weeks before their dad left the military. My high school math teacher laughed at me because I was so into the numbers and my plan. Especially when; rather than the one child I had planned for, I got two, He blessed me,</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My pregnancy was hard and after delivery I found that my health issues were mounting, I had a hysterectomy thirteen months after they were born. Seven days after surgery I began to lose blood. I was becoming weaker as the doctor valiantly searched for the why. Finally after three days I went into surgery a second time. Perhaps an angel showed the doctor the way to an area where I was hemorrhaging, because I believe that same angel had brought the bleeding out so they would know. Back then there were people dying from internal bleeding after that particular surgery because they did not know. I made it even though it created fear in my family because they knew that an impending death could have been but definitely not to be for me, He blessed me.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
As time progressed God sent more and more angels into my life. My Kirksey family with a very special angel named Anna Mary. She raised wonderful daughters that I love today, even after my marrital relationship with their brother ended. Her sons that I depended on and all of my nieces and nephews that I watched grow up to be beautiful people grounded with the love from the head angel Anna Mary. My sons come from this family. He blessed me.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The angel that came when my son Reuben had chicken pox and baby sat exposing her three kids the chicken pox. God had given her sight into the result of children getting it after they had grown up. Neither child was strikened at the same time. Each child had the chicken pox alone as the maximum incubation period was reached for all three, keeping her home bound for months with sick children. I was able to continue working and my son was exposed to a loving home with some one that cared for him and yes playmates. He Blessed Me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I really don't need to expound on my blessing today or for all the days since my cancer was diagnosed. There is thunder in heaven as the many prayers are received on my behalf. He is continuing to bless me. I never asked for anything other than to be blessed. My blessing come for everywhere. The sunshine, the tears, the laughter, the memories of all of the angels that have been and will forever be in my life. He has enlarged my territory beyond anything I could have imagined and it countinues to grow as He faithfully blesses me.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Bless Me (Prayer of Jabez) - <a href="http://youtu.be/HwRKaiEN5Zk" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">http://youtu.be/HwRKaiEN5Zk</a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02017737082403573651noreply@blogger.com0